Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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