i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
