i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
