Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
