you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Plan B is the new Plan A
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
