p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
