as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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