I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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