Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize