barbara walters just said penis...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
