So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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