My sheets look like a crime scene.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
