im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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