puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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