ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize