It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
