taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
