I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
