Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
