the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
