I think i peed on brittanys purse
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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