I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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