I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
