half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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