ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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