mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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