Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
