told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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