the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
