Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
