i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
