Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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