See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
