Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize