The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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