i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
