Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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