Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I am morally bankrupt
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
