I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
