I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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