i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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