The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
