the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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