My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
