this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
