I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
