You smell like stripper and shame
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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