when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this boner is exhausting
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
