So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
