Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
