apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
