"it" just moved
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
