That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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