I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
