either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
