a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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