i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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