Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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