You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
