apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
