It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
