Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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