it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
