Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize