Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
