well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
