Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
